Big in Japan

Hanacollage

As a well known master criminal, and international woman of mystery, you may assume I get lots of subversive and odd mail, NOT TRUE! On most days my post box is as quiet as the grave, except for the occasional past due notice or latest edition of Crime Spree Magazine .

And while some writers might shy away from the Cathy Bates "I'm your biggest fan" person, I say "you're my kind of crazy, let's get a little nutty off some Modge Podge fumes and go yarn bombing later".

So you can imagine my excitement when I got this delightful note from code name "Hana"...

"Hi, Demeanor. I'm Hana, from Tokyo JAPAN! I looked at your report by the "Craftzine.com blog".

I got the chills! It totally blew me away! Your "Criminal crafts" are sooooo coooool and intense!

I can really relete to them.

I get a your AWESOME BOOK! Definitely! You are fucking Awesome!

Please make me want to be friends.

Keep it Brutal !!! <333

From Hana."

Clearly, she is my new BFF forever. And I was so stoked, I nominated and approved her to be "Head of the Tokyo Criminal Crafts Fan Club" If you live within the city limits or outlying areas of Chiba, Kawasaki, Saitama or Yokohama, you'll be reporting directly to Hana, she's in charge. What Hana will make of this position is entirely up to her, I'd like to think she'll be staying up late making Voodoo doll pincushions and baking cakes with files inside, but really it's at her devious discretion, I only inspire subversive behavior, never cross it.

To commemorate Hana's new position, I've made her a very special fan club badge, which I hope she uses all the time, to gain entry into places she shouldn't.  Similar honorariums are going out to my global craft syndicate with a special shout out going to our Madison WI branch for their nefarious crafting efforts.

You too could be inducted into the Criminal Crafts fan club and get a special badge, it's pretty easy, no blood oaths or wacking off an enemy needed. Just send me one photo of you, with a project from the book and a sassy fan letter I can post on this blog and blammo, you're in the club.  Sounds like fun, right- OK, with my blessing, go make some mayhem!

Mommy Dearest

CakeWithFile_Hero

Since the publication of Criminal Crafts, I've been in a bit of hot water with my mom. This is nothing new.  The current bee in her very antique, threadbare bonnet is over how I portrayed her in my book. Now she's calling at 3 a.m. ranting about "character defamation"  and hinting that my exaggerations are the basis for a very expensive slander lawsuit and her lawyer's retainer is paid up in full.  So, before this whole ugly incident can go into litigation, I'd like to say, in a very public forum.  My mother has never been arrested for a crime, actually served time or been convicted of any crime that I am aware of.

However, I still have my suspicions, and until evidence is presented otherwise I'm going to assume the only reason mom isn't doing time, she's that good.  Good at getting away with it.

Her fanatical cleaning binges are really all about wiping down prints and the whole gardening kick only thinly veils something much darker and deeper which she's burying in the back yard.

HiddenBook_Hero_2

Since she's got to leave all that stolen loot to someone, I'm staying on her good side and making her something extra special for Mother's Day, a decoy book with hidden compartment for her hooch. This is a pretty well known and fabulous craft, something which I've detailed in the book.  If you live in or near Portland Oregon, you can come make one with me.  I'll be leading a series of workshops at a number of Multnomah County libraries and all the supplies and instruction are free.  Best of all the 1st class is on Mother's Day, so you can bring your mom too, if she's anything like mine, making a cagey cubby to secret her stash is the perfect way to spend the afternoon, beats doing time.